Have any of you ever seen the movie Bicentennial Man? I saw it tonight … it was on TV. I rarely watch TV anymore, but tonight I took a few hours to get back in touch with an old friend … my big screen RCA.
Unfortunately this reunion was centered around the movie “Bicentennial Man”. Typically I’d launch into a loquacious and passionate and perhaps mildly entertaining review of the film … but as I sit here typing this I realize I can in fact do the movie complete justice in one simple word: BAD.
This is bad movie. Short and simple sentence for a a short and simple truth. This is a bad movie. Do no go see this movie … certainly do no pay for it in any way shape or form. If it’s on TV I suggest you change the channel … but hey it’s your wasted evening.
Now I love Robin Williams so I will grant the movie the following two compliments. It’s a good story and it’s got good acting.
But the good story has been shoved into a pitifully bad movie. And there is only so much good acting can do for a bad movie.
I watched the whole dang thing. I kept waiting for it … expecting that at any moment it was going to get good … But it never did. Same old tune for about 20 scenes.
Now I have a long standing rule about never telling anyone ANYTHING about a movie they haven’t seen … ANYTHING. But … I consider this review a public service act. If you don’t want the spoiler … stop reading … but for God’s sake do not do it so that you can then go watch this movie … it’s bad.
Robin Williams plays a robot and we watch it’s sappy and drawn out quest to become more human over the course of 2 and half generations … although through all the force feed melodrama it feels more like 5. The parts of this story that were good … that could have made some intellectual impact … were rushed past and key milestones of the plot were just handed to the audience as a gimmie … and we get this over and over again for 2.5 generations in a forcibly melodramatic Pinocchio story.
By the end of the movie the world naturally knows of his plight and everything seems to culminate in a predictably tense speech explaining that through his long life his driving goal was merely to be acknowledged as human … and that goal must be achieved if he is to have lived or is to die with any dignity.
As if the overly recognizable symphony playing some heart bleedingly longfull ballad through the whole scene wasn’t enough … the robot dies literally SECONDS before that acknowledgement is given to the world.
So the real horrific part of this waste of creative talent is that it’s a bad movie that tries to make you feel bad! So at the end of the movie … you kinda feel a little bad … but then you realize “That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen”. And then you’re just pissed … then you feel bad … and pissed … and bad …
This movie is not worth the shelf space it takes up in the bargin bin at K-mart people. It’s a bad movie.
Sigh … I’m actually looking forward to doing laundry after that miserable waste of time.
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