A Growing Darkness …
I’ve come to a disturbing realization … actually a few of them.
I have realized that I have been for the past two years, every single day, growing angrier … and fatter. In fact each has been getting worse and worse and a pretty astonishing rate.
I’ve crunched the numbers and if my calculations are correct (and they very nearly always are) I predict that by the year 2008 I will have become the ever present embodiment of rage, despair, and all things dark.
While I’m not sure sure if being the center of darkness is necessarily something I want to avoid, I am pretty sure I want to get away from being ever present thanks to shear girth.
Something has to be done about the growing larger and larger issue … but lets face it, if you’re going to be a center of darkness you really need to be THE center of darkness … otherwise you’re just some angry and depressed guy.
This is however a problem. I’m pretty sure I know what I have to do (however painful) about the girth problem, but solving it and it alone will leave me only a minor force of evil (and I don’t do minor things … it’s just not my style).
Besides both issues are starting to take their toll on my health … so I have to … get … happy or something as well as less fat. How do I shed the growing darkness, while shedding the pounds?
This is a harder issue to solve.
I’ve thought about moving. Someplace warm and sunny maybe? I’m not sure this will help however as I am currently convinced the world is made up of two types of people: 1) complete idiots, and 2) Me. I doubt I could escape that no matter the climate.
I’ve thought about quitting my job and becoming a sage religious philosopher living as a hermit somewhere … but I’m far to fashionable for any of that.
I’ve thought of taking a vacation someplace nice … but Fat Forces of Darkness(tm) don’t really do well on vacations … it’s alot of wasted time … and I’m not rich enough to waste time abroad.
Hmm … maybe being a lesser force of darkness isn’t so bad … it’s just so exhausting.
David Meade ... Indianapolis based vlogger, geek, rock star, ham radio operator, protector of innocents, defender of the weak, and role model to millions of children everywhere.
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Kevin
16 Mar, 2005
This doesn’t have anything to do with my email does it?
I was half kidding, but I can really see you doing that. It has nothing to do with your “Girth”, just that darkness within.
Have you seen the south park where stan joins the goth kids? Perhaps you could start your own darkness group…
David
17 Mar, 2005
Hehe, no nothing to do with the blog you told me about, however that was a GREAT blog … and yeah … I can see me doing that too …
Darkness Group, eh? …. I like it.
Kevin
17 Mar, 2005
Here is a pic of said goth kids:
When I get home tonight, I’ll generate a south park character for you, my David Meade Goth “I hate the world” character.
It’ll be fun.
Jess
17 Mar, 2005
You could take a vacation to a fat spa. They starve you nearly to death there, I hear. Or, you could do the unthinkable and excercise. Yes, I went there, and it’s painful, but something had to be done! I was actually considering just buying a new wardrobe a size bigger. But, they don’t make cute clothes in plus sizes, so I got out the damn Pilates DVD’s, and the jump rope. I’ve lost a couple, but I also quit smoking in the midst of all of this, and have caught myself snacking more than once to replace the smoke. Or, I hate to even say it, but you could give up the Diet Coke. I know….I know, it’d Diet. But, it’s still full of sugars that turn into fat. It just does it slower than regular Coke. Whatever you decide, I’m with you, even though YOU NEVER CALL WHEN YOU COME HOME! Not that I’m bitter. Ok, I think I need a drink now, to drown the sorrow.