Tonight, just before I was supposed to be going to bed I decided I would have a glass of wine. Things did not go as expected.

As I was opening the bottle, the cork was being a bit of a … well a bit of a bitch, and so I put a lil’ bit more of the ol’ heave ho into its extraction. As my corkscrew hand pulled the recalcitrant cork up and out of the bottle, my bottle hand naturally and uncontrollably moved downward (it’s physics, look it up). Unfortunately I had underestimated the amount of recoil that would take place and the bottom of the bottle (moving downward remember) tapped the counter top of the kitchen island. It was but a mere tap … but the bottle shattered into countless pieces and a flood of red wine was instantly everywhere. Everywhere. It covered the island, and the surrounding floor. It soaked at least portions of every piece of clothing I had on. It ran down the sides of white cabinets throughout my kitchen, and down the front my new refrigerator. I stood there in disbelief for probably four or five seconds before I realized nobody was going to come clean this up for me.